4 – R.I.P Taylor

Posted on 11th October 2022

Nicole (she/her) shares sad news about the death of her close friend Taylor in prison.

Content warning – suicide (graphic), prison, violence, self harm, abuse, homophobia, transphobia.

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Find them all at solidarityapothecary.org/podcast/

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Transcript
Speaker:

Welcome to the Frontline Have Liz podcast with your host, Nicole Rose

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from the Solidarity Apothecary.

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This is your place for all things plants and liberation.

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Let's get started.

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Hello strangers.

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I'm so sorry that the podcast came to like an abrupt halt.

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Fortunately I hadn't really done an official launch.

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My plan was to get six episodes recorded and then do a big launch.

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And that way people can kind of like work through the back catalog, which

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is like the advice I'd been given.

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But as fate would have it, something pretty full on happened in my life,

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which meant that I had to stop recording.

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And yeah, my kind of whole world came to a halt, and some of you that follow me on

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Instagram may have seen the news already.

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Obviously close friends will know, and I've shared the news on my email list.

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But for those of you who don't know me at all, I'm gonna be sharing a

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little bit about, what happened and yeah, I'm probably gonna be recording

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this, uh, podcast like 10 times.

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Just so I can get my words out and feel clear and grounded and this kind of horror

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story, but I just wanted to share that.

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Yeah, there's like a very strong kind of content warning

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with this, with this episode.

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It's very intimate and personal about my friend Taylor who died.

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I'm gonna be graphically talking about suicide, abuse

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in prison, transphobia, class.

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Yeah, just kind of general state violence.

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So yeah, I just wanna kind of pause things there and give you the opportunity to, to

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skip, and just download the next episode, which is gonna be about, dandelion and

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yeah, there's not, there's not kind of much herbal content, if that makes sense.

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This is just like a personal episode about, a friend that I've lost and

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I feel like it's relevant to share because I kind of wanna explain where

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I've been and I also wanna honor him.

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I want people to know his story and yeah, I feel like part of the Frontline

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Herbalism podcast is talking about kind of, it's so talking about herbalism,

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but it's also talking about frontline struggles, including abolitionist

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movements to free people from prison to build a world without prisons.

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And so, yeah, this, this kind of feels important and relevant.

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Okay.

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I'm gonna, I'm gonna pause it there.

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And then, after the little, kind of music bit, I'm gonna start reading a

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statement which I'll explain more about.

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In a second.

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Okay.

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Thanks for listening.

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Okay, so I already gave a content warning.

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And yeah, I'm probably gonna be pausing and editing this

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and trying not to wobble out.

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I am sharing the details of my close friend who died.

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He was called Taylor.

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I met him back in, I don't even know, 2009, 2010 maybe, in prison.

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And he was the partner of my best friend, Sam, who some of you

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would've heard me talk about before on Instagram in various places.

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And yeah, we, we kind of, yeah, just hit it off really because of his partnership

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with Sam and I was like some sort of weird relationship counselor between them and

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yeah, then they, I got out and they got separated into different prisons and kind

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of kept apart intentionally by the prison.

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And Sam asked if I would visit Taylor cause she was worried about him.

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And then, yeah, I started visiting Taylor and me and Taylor began to have like

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more of an autonomous kind of friendship.

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Yeah.

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Where I would see him like every few weeks and write to him and sent him

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emails once email a prisoner was launched.

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And Yeah, it was just a long decade of friendship and love and trying

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really hard to get him out of prison.

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I'll explain more about that in a minute.

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When I read the statement.

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But yeah, he, he killed himself, inside in July and that's why

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I haven't been podcasting or really doing anything at all.

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And yeah, I loved him so much.

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We had a beautiful funeral.

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He was cremated.

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I went with a friend and some of his family members to spread

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his ashes where he wanted them, including in the beautiful sea.

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Literally like swam, swam out in the sea to, to, let his ashes go.

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And, after his death, like was full of rage and pain, I mean, I still am,

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but, me and a close friend and some other comrades who kind of read it and

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helped us wrote a statement about what happened, to share a bit more information

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to kind of talk about the political context and his life, and yeah, to ask for

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solidarity and support in mourning him.

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So I'm gonna read that statement now.

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I'll put the link in the show notes, but if you wanna read it, it's

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at bristol abc.org/r i p Taylor.

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I'm gonna pause this now and wipe my eyes and then I'm gonna

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finally read this statement.

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Hello.

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Okay, here we go.

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And yeah, I also just wanna share that some comrades have translated

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this statement into Spanish well castellano and Galago, and German,

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and russian and the links to those translations are also on the webpage.

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Okay, this statement, Taylor is dead.

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He was pronounced dead in prison at 10:33 PM on Saturday the ninth of of July.

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After cutting his neck, he was meant to be on suicide watch,

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but the prison failed him.

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We were informed by the prison governor at 3:30 AM on Sunday.

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His cell has been sealed by police and we await news of the autopsy.

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We will announce news of his funeral in the coming days and.

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His story is one of abuse, injustice, transphobia, and tragedy.

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It didn't have to be this way.

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He was murdered by the state.

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His death should trigger resistance and rebellion inside

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and outside of prisons everywhere.

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We have no investment in his inquest or that the state can

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deliver any kind of justice.

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This is a call to arms, to abolitionists and anarchists all over the world

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with rage in our veins and love in our hearts until every prison turns to ash.

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Taylor, you were our best guy.

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Our queer family will forever miss you.

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You will never be forgotten and the state will never be forgiven.

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Oh fuck.

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Okay, I need to like pause again and then I will rerecord this.

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Who is Taylor?

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Taylor was a trans prisoner trapped in the UK prison system for over 14 years.

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He was an I P P prisoner who had served 10 years longer in prison

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than his original sentence.

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He was a beloved friend to anarchist comrades who met him in prison.

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He had ACAB on his knuckles and an anti authoritarian spirit

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and a deep love for animals.

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He was a working class, old school prisoner who knew which side he was on.

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He hated the system with every ounce of his being.

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Taylor was one of the first members of the IWW the Industrial Workers of

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the World Union via the Incarcerated Workers Organizing Committee, or

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IWOC that was founded in England, Wales, Scotland and Ireland in 2015.

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He was also active with SMASH IPP contributing to the newsletter

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and encouraging other IPP prisoners to join the group.

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I P P Death sentence IPP or Imprisonment for Public protection is a type of

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sentencing that was introduced in 2005 and meant that people would

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be sentenced to an initial tariff, that's like time that must be served.

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And after that, their release would be decided by their parole board.

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This means that I p p prisoners have no definite release date.

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It is effectively a life sentence for minor crimes.

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After huge public pressure, IPP sentences were abolished in 2012, but not

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retrospectively, which means there are still more than three and a half thousand

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people in prison with no release date.

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The uncertainty is a living hell.

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This sentence led to the UK having one of the highest rates

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of prisoners suicide in the world.

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At least 243 of UK's I P P prisoners have died in prison.

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72 of them took their own lives.

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For Taylor that I p p was a death sentence.

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He was given four years for burglary, but served 14 years before he died.

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The long term imprisonment with no end date totally destroyed

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Taylor's mental health.

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He attempted suicide multiple times, including slitting his own

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throat and taking an overdose.

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That led to him being in a coma twice.

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It eventually killed him.

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No end date.

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The IPP works by a prisoner, first serving an initial tariff, after which

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they have a parole board hearing.

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The parole board decides whether to free that prisoner or to recommend them for

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open category D conditions, psychiatric imprisonment, or a rehab, for example.

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They can also decide if a prisoner must stay in prison for longer and recommend

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certain things like courses for the prisoner to complete, the outside

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probation service, and offender managers within the prison create reports and

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make recommendations, and prisoners are also often subject to various risk

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assessments or psychological reports.

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At each board hearing new hoops can be created that the prisoner

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will need to jump through.

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For example, a prisoner might do everything the parole board directs,

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and then two years later at the next hearing, the parole board might

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say, "You still need to address X behavior and therefore do X course".

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This leads to a continual process of imprisonment where

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goalposts are repeatedly moved.

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The uncertainty, frustration, and lack of power leads to

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prisoner behavior deteriorating.

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Whether that is increased drug use, self-harm, or kicking off in protest.

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This behavior then becomes a justification for their continuing imprisonment

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because that person is "not safe", quote unquote, for the community, or has not

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addressed their offending behavior.

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The cycle continues.

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We have 14 years of cataloged evidence of impossible parole

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hearings and prison failings.

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Taylor's suicidality was the reason he was kept in prison, yet his

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suicidality was caused by prison.

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There is only so much one human can take.

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Death became the only option for Taylor as all legal doors to

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freedom closed again and again.

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Transphobia, pathologized, hospitalized, and imprisoned.

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Taylor gave his consent in 2018 to share more about his life story, to

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help raise awareness of trans prisoners and what happens when the medical

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system pathologizes trans people.

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Growing up, Taylor was subject to years of physical, sexual, and psychological

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abuse from his mother and stepfather.

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He managed to escape and be adopted by his grandparents as an early teenager,

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however, he would often return to visit his family, desperate for love and

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validation, but was met with neither.

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This intense pattern of trauma has followed him forever.

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Unfortunately during his sentence, both his adopted parents died and as a

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result, he lost his main support network.

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The grief was insurmountable and was unable to heal due to being locked

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in a cell and unable to visit their graves or process his grief fully.

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We know he is with them now.

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Taylor always knew he was a man.

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He went to a local doctor as a young teenager and expressed his feelings

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and issues with his assigned gender.

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The doctor Pathologized Taylor as unstable and denied any access

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to hormones or any surgery.

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This was over 30 years ago, and access to hormones online or other

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support groups was nigh on impossible.

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Before prison, Taylor had never met another trans person.

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The combination of childhood abuse and gender dysphoria led to drug

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and alcohol abuse, as well as a long term pattern of self harm.

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Taylor became an addict, and as a working class person with no

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financial means, crime was the only option to sustain his habit.

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This led Taylor to a very self-destructive life, including many abusive relationships

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and actions that he deeply regretted.

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Taylor accessed many mental health services, however, none of them affirmed

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Taylor's gender identity or needs, and he was repeatedly pathologized,

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hospitalized, and imprisoned.

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In the judges summing up of his case whereby he was given an I P P sentence,

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he recognized it was Taylor's gender issues that led to his imprisonment.

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Taylor experienced transphobic abuse imprison from officers

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and other prisoners.

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Once he was attacked by a girl on his wing in a courtyard.

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Thankfully our Taylor was a fighter and defended himself.

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He spat back on her and said, "Here's some of my gender fluid".

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Oh, he was such a fucking legend.

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Okay.

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Officers throughout his sentence would target him with insults, dead naming, and

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repeatedly and repeated misgendering In HMP eastward Park Officer Lorde deadnamed

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him repeatedly in order to wind him up and try to provoke him into acting out

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and therefore sabotaging his parole.

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When admitted to a psychiatric hospital after a spate of suicide attempts,

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Taylor was assigned a psychiatrist.

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During sessions, Taylor was repeatedly dehumanized and

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encouraged to see himself as a woman.

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They said that relationships were a core part of his offending behavior

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and discouraged him from being with women or in relationships at all.

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During this intense time of vulnerability, Taylor believed that only way to

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ever be released from prison was to pretend to be a woman and to not have

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romantic relationships with women.

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Fortunately, once he had left the hospital and stopped having sessions,

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he realized what a horrific transphobic act of institutional violence.

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This was one that trans people worldwide have experienced pathologized

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by psychiatric authorities.

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Taylor was blown away by letters and cards he received from the trans community.

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Despite the prison's best efforts to stop him obtaining a binder, including

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claiming they didn't recognize if the binders were sent in for the top or

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the bottom and refusing to issue them.

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He eventually experienced the euphoria of making his chest align

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more closely with his gender.

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He would speak with excitement about getting top surgery when he

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was out and running half naked on the beach and swimming in the sea.

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Now he will never have the chance.

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Homophobia in prison relationships were constantly considered a risk

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factor for Taylor, and his attraction to women was ongoingly, pathologized,

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and criminalized in prison.

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Over the 14 years he was behind bars, he had separated from many people he

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had loved, including one long term relationship that lasted over six years

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whereby he was violently separated from them and the prison service

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intentionally kept them apart, never allowing them to meet until recent.

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In prison, physical relationships are met with punishment.

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You can be given an IEP, enough of which lead you to basic or full segregation.

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This happened many times throughout Taylor's sentence.

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The constant policing by officers and the separation between him and people

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he cared about also contributed to destroying Taylor's will to live.

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Should Taylor have obtained parole at his next hearing one condition

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was that he refrained from all romantic and intimate relationships.

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His own lawyer said he would need to comply.

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Although we all know, although we all know that closeness to other humans is

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a deeply necessary part of survival.

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We often spoke with Taylor about how the state was acting like

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an abusive controlling partner.

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He felt powerless to challenge it.

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In the last week of his life, Taylor was nicked for kissing another prisoner.

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This was one of the trigger events that led to his death.

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HMP Eastwood Park, hell hole.

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HMP Eastwood Park is a quote, "Women's" prison in Gloucestershire

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not far from Bristol.

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Horror emerges from its walls regularly.

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Three prisoners have died there within the last month.

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One woman, Kayleigh died two days before Taylor on the same wing.

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People get violently attacked by officers regularly, and sexual abuse is prevalent.

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On a recent visit with Taylor, he shared how women had been forced to give

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oral sex to officers in exchange for drugs being brought in from outside.

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Taylor was so close to freedom and HMP Eastwood Park took it all away.

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What triggered Taylor's latest spiral of suicide attempts

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was completely preventable.

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He had finally been getting his ROTLs released on temporary license whereby

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he could leave prison for a day with an officer as a way of working

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towards release and demonstrating to the parole board that he was "safe".

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On the 20th of May, Taylor was in Cabot Circus in Bristol when the

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officer responsible for supervising him, abandon him, Taylor tried to

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find her, but he was unable to.

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He had no phone or way of finding her.

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Despite looking continuously around the city, Taylor managed

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to report it to the prison.

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Instead of taking responsibility for losing Taylor, the officer

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who escorted Taylor into Bristol lied and claimed he went missing

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for a number of hours on purpose.

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Taylor became angry and pushed over a plant in reception.

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Prison officers then attacked him.

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They kicked the shit into him and dragged him into a new cell

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with none of his belongings.

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We saw Taylor days after and could see bruises all over him.

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Taylor was awaiting surgery for a hernia and being bent up by officers

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was a life threatening act of violence.

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An action alert was launched that 544 people sent to the prison, warning

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them that Taylor's loved ones are seriously worried about his wellbeing

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and that this abusive treatment is only going to exacerbate his serious

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mental and physical health conditions after years of incarceration.

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This incident triggered the three suicide attempts and

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the final one that killed him.

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What if thousands had taken part in the action alert?

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How could we have made Eastwood Park take notice?

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These are the questions that will always haunt us.

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Class war.

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Everything about Taylor's life was shaped by class.

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We do not want this to be erased.

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It is not rich people who use drugs who end up in prison.

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It is poor people oppressed by our economic system who end up in prison

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and they stay there to keep a class stratified society in existence.

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Lessons for our movements.

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There's a quote here, The state is permanent violence" - Errico Maletesta.

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We write our movements, but we don't always know who "our" is.

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We want to acknowledge there were a small number of amazing close

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friends and comrades in our networks who supported us over the years.

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You know who you are with a little heart.

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Who were on the end of the phone after harrowing visits, or who

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completed action alerts that we posted online, who sent cards to

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Taylor and who came to noise demos.

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But mostly we felt alone.

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Taylor was alone.

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Comrades went through years of hell and more often than

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not, had to beg for support.

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One person supported Taylor for 13 years, nine of which

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were almost completely alone.

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Despite her best efforts to bring up his case in groups and write about him

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online, some anarchist websites would not share our action alerts or calls

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for support because Taylor was not a quote unquote political prisoner.

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Even though an understanding of class and gender oppression is a core of anarchism.

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Taylor's death could have been prevented if there was more

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support, more resistance, if our movements were a fucking threat.

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If prison authorities feared us and our calls to action, we need

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to fight like hell for the living.

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We need to fight like hell for those still inside.

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Abolition means prisoner support.

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Abolition became flavor of the week for a short time, yet that unsexy

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and unglamorous work of prisoner phone calls, visits, action alerts,

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relentless fundraising, et cetera, does not attract many people.

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We were told we did this work, quote unquote, unsustainably.

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Yet no practical support to take the load from our shoulders was given.

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We refused to abandon our friends in prison.

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Yes, a diversity of tactics is needed, but this can't be used as an excuse

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not to engage with an unglamorous work where getting a transfer to a prison

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with marginally less white supremacist screws that reduce your loved one's

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chances of racist attacks, takes a year and is as good as it gets.

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What would've helped prevent Taylor's death?

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People writing to Taylor and building trust with him so that he had a more

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expanded circle of friends, help traveling for visits, legal advice

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and support for his parole paperwork.

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People helping with and sharing our action alerts, people offering

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counseling or support for the ongoing traumatic stress or even fucking

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acknowledging how much this was for us.

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People coming on demos where we called for support, and us not being

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humiliated, begging people to show up.

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People with privilege accessing their networks to help get Taylor

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out, media work, legal work, et cetera, giving money to his top

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surgery crowd funder, and for visits.

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Trans prisoner letter writing events, helping host info nights for smash

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ipp, or IWOC work doing banner drops, reposting our statements and graphics.

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We needed everyone's rage.

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We needed to not feel alone.

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We wanted to feel solidarity in practice.

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We wanted people to understand that abolition means prisoner

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support, that this should be a huge part of the movement.

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That, and that keeping our friends alive in prison is part of resistance.

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We need people to recognize that prisoners are not projects, they

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are not quote unquote case work.

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They are not a fascinating objective study to write your master's dissertation about.

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They're not the same as organizing a book fair or running a campaign.

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They are human beings and the stakes are fucking life or death.

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People need consistency.

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They need care and friendship.

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They need to be treated like fucking human beings.

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Taylor loved us, not because we were anarchists but because

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we are his fucking friends.

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We are his family because we love him with passion and kindness for who he

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is and not because he is a prisoner.

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Abolition means revolution.

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No more fucking reading groups, where is your rage, nothing can describe the

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feeling when you receive another phone call saying your friend has been airlifted

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out of prison in a helicopter because he has sliced open his own neck because he

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cannot take the abuse in prison anymore.

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The rage against the prison system moves through your veins.

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You want to destroy the whole world, but you turn to your

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comrades and where are they?

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Somehow it feels like even amongst prison abolitionists, the violence taking place

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within prisons themselves is so often ignored and prisoners are forgotten,

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erased, patronized, and tokenized.

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Yes, abolition requires us to burn down the whole state, the

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borders, the education system, as well as not instead of prison.

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The state disappears people, so we have to work twice as hard

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to ensure people are not erased.

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Our loved ones are tortured, and the response is starting reading groups

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about abolition writing statements for the transphobic guardian.

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We would get told time after time that people don't have, quote unquote,

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the capacity to do a demo right now.

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We cope with the silence of signal group chats when we ask for support.

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Where is your fucking rage?

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Why are we not burning these places to the fucking ground?

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The abolitionist movement in the UK is passive and docile.

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It is not angry enough.

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You cannot learn about abolition just from a book.

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Learn from prisoners.

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Learn from loved ones of people in prison.

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There are fucking thousands of us.

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Ask anyone their experiences, and you will hear stories of

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neglect, abuse, and violence.

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That is enough motivation to fight.

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Revolutionary abolitionists in the so-called United States would risk death

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to liberate people from slave plantations.

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They started the Underground Railroad to free their families and comrades.

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Where is the direct action to free our friends from cages?

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Where is the rage when they die inside?

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How do we push our movements beyond canvasing for fucking Jeremy Corbyn.

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Abolition means revolution.

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It means destroying the state.

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It means direct action.

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It means putting the war into class war.

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We know Taylor was one of millions of people around the world kept in a cage.

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We know thousands of people are murdered by the state in wars,

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like in the invasion of Ukraine.

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We know the state kills people on its borders in detention centers, in

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prisons, in psychiatric hospitals.

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We know it's those harmed by white supremacy, ableism, poverty,

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and transphobia who face the sharpest end of this violence.

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Every single incarcerated person is a political prisoner.

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The Inquest and the prison and probation ombudsman report will not achieve justice.

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Prisons are working exactly as they're designed to.

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The horror is this.

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Horror is no accident.

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It is intentional.

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Pools of Taylor's blood covered his cell where he died alone.

Nicole:

His blood covered the hands of HMP and they will face no repercussions.

Nicole:

Unless we make them, we call for rage everywhere.

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Remember Taylor, fight with everything you have for those still in prison.

Nicole:

No more empty slogans.

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This is a life and death struggle we call comrades.

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To honor Taylor in every way they know how.

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Against prisons, against the state, for friendship, for freedom, for revolution.

Nicole:

Oh, okay.

Nicole:

I'm gonna go and have a big cry again now.

Nicole:

But yeah, that was written from like a real place of like pain and rage and yeah.

Nicole:

I also had covid, like I was really sick after, after Taylor died.

Nicole:

And uh, yeah, I thought it was just this kind of like extreme rage response.

Nicole:

And then I realized like I also had this viral infection that

Nicole:

was giving me a fucking fever and making my heart go crazy and stuff.

Nicole:

So anyway, like I said, we had a beautiful funeral for him.

Nicole:

The inquest has started, like officially has opened.

Nicole:

We were in touch with solicitors about all of that.

Nicole:

But ultimately, I just wanna add, like people are still behind bars,

Nicole:

like people still need support.

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I know I regularly put in calls to action on these podcast, like

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show notes and in the first bit of the kind of intro of the podcast.

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But yeah, I just want people to learn from his death and to feel like, prisoner

Nicole:

support needs to be a priority for anarchists and for other people, and that

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if we're trying to build a society based on care and mutual aid and solidarity

Nicole:

and friendship and freedom, then yeah, we need to look at other people who are in

Nicole:

cages and we need to help get them free.

Nicole:

Okay.

Nicole:

Thanks everyone.

Nicole:

I will be back next week.

Nicole:

Take care.

Nicole:

Thanks so much for listening to the Frontline Herbalism podcast.

Nicole:

You can find the transcript, the links, all the resources from the

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